Emotional Intelligence: Digital age

Understanding Emotional: 
Intelligence Emotional intelligence is something that many people talk about, especially professionals and those who are particularly passionate about
self-awareness and self-growth.

This personality trait must be developed.

Although some people may have an easier tendency to develop their emotional awareness, no one is actually born with this personality trait. It is a learned trait that anyone can develop in their life. Being emotionally intelligent means that you can identify your own emotions and manage them effectively.

You can also identify the emotions of others and understand how your own actions and behaviors will directly affect other people. By having the ability to manage and control your emotions in this way, you can censor how you choose to express your emotions and express them in a way that portrays emotional maturity. For example, those who are not emotionally intelligent may respond to an angry stimulus with a temper tantrum. However, someone who is emotionally intelligent would have the ability to express their anger through conversation and diffuse their angry feelings in a way that would not harm or hurt anyone else.

In this example, the person who lacks emotional intelligence would likely say things that would be harmful and rude and may do and say things that they regret. If the anger was directed toward their boss, for example, they may quit their job on a whim with no alternative solutions to bring in money, therefore resulting in them being left with unpaid bills at the end of the month. This would all be a consequence of an uncontrolled angry outburst. However, the person who expressed themselves through emotional intelligence would be able to effectively communicate with their boss and choose a positive solution to diffuse their angry feelings without harming anyone or risking their livelihood.

It is said that emotional intelligence is built up through three primary skills: emotional awareness, the ability to manage your emotions including through regulating your own emotions and using effective strategies to cheer up or calm down other people, and the ability to use your emotions to drive positive change such as to discover a solution to a problem.

The idea of emotional intelligence was proposed in 1989 by Stanley Greespan. Greespan proposed a model that was used to describe emotional intelligence and what qualities were required in order for a person to be considered emotionally intelligent.

The following year, in 1990, two additional psychologists, Peter Salovey and John Mayer, published an additional publication discussing emotional intelligence. The term did not become widely recognized until later in 1995, however, when Daniel Goleman introduced a book titled“Emotional Intelligence”. Ever since the book was released, scientists and psychologists alike have been criticizing and studying the book to discover exactly what emotional intelligence is and why people should be interested in this term.

At this time there are a variety of models that determine what emotional intelligence is, what is required in order to be emotionally intelligent, and how one can develop emotional intelligence. The common thesis always comes back to one’s ability to manage and control their own emotions and emotionally cheer up or calm down others, one’s ability to use emotions to drive positive change, and one’s emotional awareness, as we have previously discussed.

Benefits of Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence is a vital trait that people in the professional world often require if they are going to achieve any form of success in their industry. Because of how much power people in various professional positions hold, it is important that they are capable of being emotionally intelligent so that they can make smart decisions and work together well with their teams. Without emotional intelligence, they may make decisions at the detriment of the company. Emotional intelligence isn’t only used for professionals, however. Everyone can benefit from learning emotional intelligence.The following are many benefits that you can expect when you begin developing your emotional intelligence.

Self-Awareness Being emotionally intelligent means that you are able to understand yourself on a deeper level than simply“I exist”. When it comes to emotional intelligence, self-awareness means thatyou are able to recognize emotions within yourself and label them effectively. For example, you would not mistake jealousy for anger because you would know what each of these emotions feels like for you. By knowing how to accurately label your emotions,you gain the ability to understand them on a deeper level. This means you can understand why you are experiencing certain emotions, what type of“symptoms” these emotions will give you, and how you typically respond to these emotions. Understanding yourself on this emotional level gives you power. There is a common saying that“admitting it is half thebattle” when it comes to making changes around something in your life.

The self-awareness you have around your emotions is essentially you being able to admit to the emotions you are feeling. Not only do you admit that you are feeling emotions but you also admit that you are feeling specific emotions, even if they seem“improper” to you. For example, even though men have been taught that being sad is wrong, a man being able to identify his sadness and the fact that it makes him want to cry is the first step to him becoming emotionally intelligent. Being able to identify exactly what emotion you are experiencing, why you are experiencing it, and how it is making you feel in the exact moment means that you have developed a great sense of self-awareness that can serve you when it comes to finding a new way to address your emotions and regulate them effectively.

When you are self-aware of your emotions, you must learn to become self-aware on all levels. You need to learn how your body feels as a result of the emotion, what your thought processes are, where your energy levels are at, and virtually every detail of how the emotion makes you feel.

In the beginning you likely won’t notice any or much of this information, but as you grow and continue practicing emotional awareness and self-awareness in this way, it will become easier for you to identify all of the many feelings that arise when certain things happen. In addition to understanding what is going on inside, self-awareness pertaining to emotional intelligence also talks about what is going on outside.

So, you will eventually become able to predict what situations are going to make you feel which emotions. If you know that family gatherings are tense for you and you feel anxiety and frustration, for example, you will be able to predict that an upcoming family gathering will create these emotions within you.

As a result, you will be able to take preventative measures and have an easier ability regulating your emotions in response to the stimulus.

Emotional Regulation When we talk about emotional regulation, we are talking about your ability to control how you respond to emotional stimuli. This is your ability to control strong emotions so well that you do not act on raw emotions and make decisions or say things that you would later regret. When we act on raw emotion, we rarely think with a clear mind, which results in us making many decisions that we would not have made had we been in a clear non-emotionally-charged frame of mind. Emotionally intelligent people are capable of harnessing even the strongest emotions and intentionally choosing how they express the emotion.

This ability to harness and express in a controlled manner is the process of emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is the next step after self-awareness. After one has become aware of their emotional responses to various situations and what types of stimuli tend to trigger those responses, they develop the opportunity to harness emotional regulation.

Because they know exactly what they are feeling they are able to have an internal conversation that results in them being able to prevent themselves from having a raw emotional break down that may end in them saying unkind things or doing thoughtless things toward other people that results in regret and sometimes irreversible damage. When you are able to sit with unpleasant emotions for any length of time, you gain the ability to see the emotion with clarity and respond to it accordingly. For example, perhaps you are angry because someone called you“short”. Even though they meant nothing harsh by it, kids in school used to tease you relentlessly about being short and it strikes a painful chord in you.

If you were not emotionally intelligent, you might get angry and say something snide or rude to that person, potentially turning the situation into a volatile one even if it was never intended to be.

Perhaps they were truly just joking, for example. If you were emotionally intelligent, however, you would sit with the unhappy emotions that arise for you when that person called you short. You would likely feel anger but after a few moments you would be able to understand that the anger was coming from memories and not because of the actual incident itself. In other words, you weren’t angry with said person for calling you short, you were angry about the memories that were triggered by that event. Being able to sit with something gives you the opportunity to sit through the especially painful part of it and to gain some perspective before responding to the situation.

This perspective gives you the opportunity to see the truth in the situation, to gain clarity in what was actually meant or intended, and respond in a way that is not harmful to anyone involved. Nothing harsh would be said or done to the other person.

Instead, you would likely shake it off in this instance. If it were something more drastic, however, you may have the opportunity to then have a conversation with said person and ask them to stop. Or, if that didn’t work, you would know to slow down and take rational action toward the situation to prevent anything negative from coming ofit. Being able to emotionally regulate yourself in this way is known to develop self-confidence in individuals.

Because we have so much control over our emotions when we are emotionally intelligent, we gain the ability to regulate ourselves easily. We can see, for example, if someone is bullying us and trying to make us feel bad about ourselves. As a result, we can choose not to get angry and to let the bully get bored and walk away. In this circumstance we have proven that we are strong enough to look after ourselves and that we had the upper hand over someone who, had we not been emotionally intelligent, may have been able to attack us on an emotional level for a long time. Although we have used bullying as an example, it is not the only example that can be used or circumstance that we can expect to gain confidence from our emotional regulatory abilities.

Being able to prevent ourselves from overreacting in virtually any circumstance means that we can trust ourselves and our ability to control ourselves. Empathy Empathy is an inevitable development that comes about when you practice being emotionally intelligent. When you have a deep level of self-awareness, you can’t help but see tendencies that you have in other people.

You begin to identify whatsadness looks like in individuals, or what happiness looks like. You are able to easily decipher what people are experiencing on an emotional level, which means that you can empathize with them. If someone comes to you because they are upset, for example, you can easily interpret their sadness and respond accordingly. You know how you can help them feel better, and you put forth an honest effort to cheer them up or at least support them during their hard time. If someone comes to you happy, you can identify their genuine happiness and celebrate their good news with them. Being able to empathize with people on an honest, deep, and emotional level means that you are able to connect with people on a deeper level. You no longer feel deep-rooted anger or distaste toward people because you understand their actions.

You begin to see the good in people and know that in most instances people are not trying to hurt anyone else. If they are, it is typically because they are hurting inside and they are using their ability to hurt others as an attempt to feel better about themselves. When this happens, you feel it is difficult to actually be angry with them. Instead, you end up feeling sad for them and that they are struggling so deeply with pain that they are lashing out at those around them.

Being able to have this type of empathy for people doesn’t just help you see the good in people. It also helps you generate honest, deep connections with people. You generate the ability to have greater relationships with better emotional connections. You also become capable of having better relationships with the world around you, including people you don’t even know. This emotional connection to others and the world around you may seem vulnerable, but because you have already mastered emotional regulation, it actually just enhances the way you experience life itself. Social Skills Social skills itself is a broad term, and emotional intelligence benefits your social skills in a broad number of ways, too.

First and foremost, your newfound empathy will have a major impact on your ability to have positive social interactions. Secondly, your ability to practice emotional regulation means that even when you are being empathetic you are not left feeling drained of your own emotional reservoir. Instead, you are able to support others without draining yourself.

Additionally, you are able to communicate with other people clearly. When they hurt your feelings you are able to accurately articulate your emotions and why they took place. You can also articulate your emotions to yourself which can prevent you from confronting someone about something that may not necessarily require a confrontation. For example, if you felt an emotional overreaction to something you would be able to heal that in yourself instead of placing the blame for your painful emotions on someone else for their harmless intentions.
You also gain the ability to be courteous when you are emotionally intelligent.

Even when people upset you, you are not going to lash out at them and hurt their feelings as an attempt to“get back” at them. Instead, you are able to thoughtfully express yourself and, if they don’t respond, you can find an alternative solution that helps prevent you from being harmed anymore without harming them, either. Instead you are able to end the situation without anyone being hurt any further.

Real Life Examples The aforementioned benefits are all great benefits that you can acquire as a result of being emotionally intelligent. However, you may be wondering what the benefits would look like in a real-life example.

The following are real-world examples that show you what emotional intelligence can do for you when you use it in real life:
You do not overreact to harmless situations (e.g. your boss taking stress out on you) instead you respond ratio rationally (e.g. you speak calmly and ask them to stop)
You are able to work through your emotions efficiently (e.g. going for a run instead of screaming at someone out of anger)
You are able to negotiate better (e.g. you can hide the fact that you are nervous and exude a sense of calmness and confidence that naturally draws people, especially professionals, into your thoughts)
You have better relationships with friends (e.g. you don’t overreact when they upset you, youare able to identify when they are sad and cheer them up, you genuinely celebrate their good news with them)
You are able to parent better (e.g. instead of overreacting when your child is acting out you are able to remain calm and find a solution that works for both of you) You can lead professional and personal teams better (e.g. when there are disputes on the team you can rationally work through them, you do not get angry when people question or test your authority)
You do not react to forced stimulus (e.g. if someone is intentionally trying to make you angry you do not respond with anger)
You are not overly phased by worldly events (e.g. when news articles are exaggerated you are not quick to“hate” the perceived opponent) You can clearly see both sides of the coin (e.g. if you are having a dispute with someone you can understand their side as clearly as you understand your own, making it easier to find a resolution)

There are many other ways that emotional intelligence can benefit you, too. The more you develop your emotional intelligence,the more you will see how in control you are. Not only will you be in control over yourself, but you will also be in control over many situations. Emotional intelligence, although an extremely important trait, is one that many people don’t choose to develop in themselves. This is likely because it is hard and it requires you to sit with pain longer than most people care to. Many people would rather quickly overreact, deal with the guilt, and move on.

They have become so used to suppressing their reactions to their inability to control their emotions that even though it hurts them and affects their quality of life, they are oblivious to the fact that they are doing the damage themselves. Because of this, having emotional intelligence means that in many instances you have the power to be in control of a room.

For example, if you are negotiating a major business deal, your ability to remain calm and easily understand the other person’s emotions gives you the opportunity to confidently negotiate a situation that appeals to their emotions making them more likely to agree with your terms instead of making you agree with theirs.

Discovering Your EQ:
EQ is short for emotional quotient and is the abbreviation used to describe how people’s emotional intelligence is rated. There are many tests available that can help you identify your EQ, but if you don’t want to take those, there are also ways that you can assess yourself by reflecting on how you react in various circumstances.

The way you respond to situations can give you an idea of whether you respond in a controlled manner, in an emotional manner, or both. It is common for most people to respond in both, or in a primarily emotional manner if they have never attempted to develop their emotional intelligence before. The best way to make use of this chapter is to record your answers on a piece of paper.

Discover whether you are more likely to respond emotionally or intentionally to each situation and place your answer on the page. At the end, notice if you responded more with emotion or intention to the questions. As you work on developing your emotional intelligence, you can review this questionnaire and try it again to see if your answers have changed in any way.

Remember, it is important to remain completely honest about how you answer these questions. You are the only one who is going to see your answers, and there is no need to fabricate them to look good. The more honest you are with yourself now, the better. Honesty about how you feel, who you are, and what your typical responses to emotional stimuli are, are the first steps of developing self-awareness, which is required if you are going to learn to emotionally regulate yourself.

If you are ready, make a promise to yourself and then consider the following situations:
You head to the restaurant to meet a friend for a dinner date. When you arrive, you see that your friend is sitting with three other people already.

You didn’t know she was bringing other people, so you are surprised to see them. When she sees you, she gestures for you to come sit at the table and begins introducing you to everyone. She later explains that she came across some friends from school when she arrived at the restaurant and invited them to sit with you guys while she was waiting for you to arrive. How do you respond?

You sit at the table with your friend and quickly introduce yourself to everyone.

You weren’t expecting for there to be a group of people so you weren’t really dressed for the occasion, but you don’t mind.
You are excited to meet some new friends and enjoy a fun dinner together. You sit at the table and let your friend introduce you.
You don’t tell your friend that you are upset at the table, instead you mingle and listen to the conversation. Later, when the dinner is over and you are alone, you get grumpy at your friend. It was just supposed to be a dinner with the two of you, why didn’t she think to consult you before inviting a bunch of others?
You storm out of the restaurant and head back home to order take out. There’s no way you’re going to go join them.

This was supposed to be your time with your friend, and she didn’t even ask you. How rude. You don’t need to deal with that. Your supervisor calls you at work and tells you that he is going to be late and that he needs you to run the morning meeting.

You have seen him do it many times before, but you have never done it yourself. Someone you don’t particularly get along with is at work that morning and you are worried that they might judge you if you make a mistake or don’t host the meeting as well as your supervisor normally would. What do you do?

That person has no reason to judge you, and you have no reason to worry. This is your career, not a mixer. The only person you need to be concerned about impressing is yourself, and of course your supervisor.

You know that if you stay focused and stick to the talking points everything will go smooth. Who cares what anyone else thinks? You get up in front of your co-workers and shyly tell them that you are going to be running the meeting because your supervisor will be late. You are somewhat quiet the entire time and you can’t stop worrying about what that person is thinking about you.

You want to be brave, and you feel like you are because you’re there in the first place, but you are freaking out inside. When you are done, you go on a quick break to call a friend and complain about how the co-worker you don’t get along with was so rude for glaring at you the entire time.

You tell your supervisor that you can’t and that he is going to have to find someone else to run the meeting. You give some excuse and then sit back and wait to see who their next choice is. It seems like a great opportunity to prove that you can take on more responsibility, but you aren’t willing to risk your co-worker having any more reason to judge you or upset you at work. It’s more stress than it’s worth.

You are the boss of your own company. Two employees seem to be having troubles lately, as they don’t get along. They are constantly bickering to the point that it is beginning to effective productivity and customer ratings. They are not getting their work done as effectively anymore.

What’s worse is that they have been caught fighting in front of customers, giving your business a poor reputation in front of those patrons. What do you do? Call them into your office and have a mature discussion about their issue. You take the time to see both sides and you are willing to understand where each of them are coming from. After listening, you have them look for opportunities to work productively together without causing anymore issues with productivity or customer ratings.

You also offer to support them in any way that you can to ensure that the work environment remains positive and friendly. You may even incorporate more team-building activities into your schedules to encourage your team to work together better.

You call them into your office and have a discussion.
You let them tell you what is going on, but you already have your answer planned out. After they are done explaining you tell them that they need to begin cooperating and acting in a more professional manner or further action will be taken to stop the problem.


You fire them both. There is no need for anyone to behave like that. Who do they think they are trying to get away with this in front of your customers anyway? Do they have any idea what it took for you to build this company up?

Many changed has mad to the original copy, to ensure the Copyright

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